In Which I Whine About My Weight.... A Lot

131.6kgs

2008-07-15T22:06:00.001+01:00

I did weigh myself today but didn't get around to writing down everything I've been thinking about this week. Tomorrow, honest!

131.1kgs

2008-07-08T11:12:00.002+01:00

Things have been tough round the Chateau for the past few weeks what with worries about cash flow and schools and adolescent children and all the troubles that go with them. I am a classic comfort eater and have been indulging in lots of comfort food of late. Chocolate has made a regular appearance after dinner. Kilos and kilos of it. Lots of ham sandwiches have been consumed. And yet I've gone down 300g this week.

I'm not complaining. Just recording.

131.4kgs

2008-07-01T06:56:00.001+01:00

One word- Chocolate.

This isn't going very well at all, is it?

Still, I'll keep weighing myself and try to think about things more this week.

God, I'm so bored of being overweight and worrying about it.

131 kgs

2008-06-24T18:00:00.001+01:00

I'll come back and write more tomorrow.

132 kgs

2008-06-19T07:02:00.004+01:00

I did weigh myself on Tuesday and this was the result. So that's good. Or not. I am beginning to give up again. When will I wake up and feel that day? You know, the day when I say, "Right, this is it. I'm going to lose all this fat and get fit!" and I actually do it? I don't know.

I had a shocker of a week. And it's happening this week as well. I seem to be on some sort of salt kick. I've craved (and given into the cravings for) pringles, nuts, savoury snack things. I just can't seem to help myself.

Why do I find food, fitness and all my issues surrounding food and fitness so friggin' hard? Why? The reason I started to weigh myself and blog it here again was because I'd been talking to my husband about losing weight. The time had come when I was seriously thinking about asking the doctor for a referral to a surgeon for a gastric band. I was also considering hypnotherapy. My husband said he would support me in any effort I made, no matter how drastic, to lose weight. At the last minute I told him, "Look, if I try again to do it properly and I haven't lost any weight by this time next year, I'll see the doctor about the surgery..." And here I am, weeks later still bouncing around between 130- and 135kgs with no motivation whatsoever. What is wrong with me. I know a large part of it is sheer laziness which is one of my greatest character flaws, as is my need for instant gratification. Diet and exercise just don't bring the immediate results I want. Oh Christ, who even cares? I'm boring myself now so I'm just going to stop now.

But before I go, I noticed when I watched the last few minutes of the film Back to the Future the other day how very insidious negative attitudes towards overweight people are. Marty has travelled back to the 80s and finds himself back in his house where his parents are suddenly successful (due to Marty having altered the past). His dad is a successful author and has his old school bully working as a general dogsbody. He sees his mother and the first thing he says to her is, "Mom! You're so..... thin!" So you see, even Marty McFly knows, {thin= success and happiness},{fat = failure}. Why can't I get that message through to my thick (covered with fat, no doubt) skull? In case you can't tell, I'm being sarcastic.

Oh, and I used the converter on my mobile phone to see, out of curiosity, how many lbs 132kgs is. It's nearly 300lbs. I am officially the same size and/or bigger than most of the guests on Ricki Lake. Awesome.

131.1kgs

2008-06-10T15:53:00.003+01:00

I made no effort whatsoever last week. I was so disappointed with last week's result that I even sabotaged myself for the entirety of Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday. I even cancelled walking on Thursday morning because I was so pissed off. Because, you know, it's the walking that will suffer, not me. By the time I pulled myself out of it, I had enough wits about me to start planning my meals again. Not real, family mealtime planning but personal, all-about-me planning. Like, if I had a biggish lunch, then I would just mind what I watched for dinner. I was at a wedding last weekend which involved lots of wine drinking, and a special Mexican dish of turkey in chocolate & chilli sauce. True story- I was so drunk that when I asked my friend what the meat in the chocolate & chilli sauce was I thought he told me it was donkey. It got through eventually that I'd not eaten Eeyore but was actually Turkey Lurkey I'd had for dinner.

I've noticed that there hasn't been much snacking or the craving to have a frenzied chocolate session in the past few weeks. That has to be good. It's not that I haven't eaten chocolate at all, just that I've only had very small bits here and there.

Some good news this week was that I bought a frock that was two sizes too small for me and it actually looked very nice. The great thing about the super-stretchy fabric is that it will hopefully continue to look better and better as I hopefully lose weight.

I'm making a real effort this week. Let's see how I do. I have a Mexican cooking class tonight. ¡Viva la fajita!

132.4

2008-06-03T06:30:00.003+01:00

Go me! I can gain two whole kilograms in one week! Yay!

Oh wait, I'm supposed to be going the other way. FFS.

I'm not happy. I went to Burger King with Ewan for his birthday party this week and I ate a friggin' salad so that I could have chocolate cake with him later. I know that doesn't make up for me eating chocolate cake for breakfast, lunch and dinner for the next two days but still. I went to Burger King and I only had a salad! It didn't even have chicken in it!

If I was one for making excuses, I'd say, "Well, I got my period this week, blah, blah, blah....." But I know that's no excuse.

Oh well. I'll just have to try again.

130.4 kgs

2008-05-27T06:49:00.004+01:00

Surprise! I have no idea how I managed to go down 1.5kgs this week but I'm not arguing. I think I may have just used plain, old-fashioned "moderation". That is, I didn't eat a whole birthday cake in one sitting. In fact I enjoyed a slice of birthday cake on my birthday and there was some left over for the next day. And the day after that (although that was only a "half" slice). I tried to plan my meals a little better this week, thinking ahead more. Considering apero snacks (anti-pasto) as my evening meal instead of eating apero snacks and then eating a main meal later in the evening. Favourite healthy-yet-delicious food this week has been red pepper hummus.

I enjoyed the crap out of my birthday champagne* and I enjoyed a glass or two of wine this week as well along with a couple of Hob Nobs during evening reading with Ewan.

Exercise wise, I still haven't been in the pool but I have been a bit more active this week than last week with a trip into Zürich (admittedly to drink beer...) and I spent Sunday working out on the balcony, making it all pretty for Summer. I love Summer. I went out for my usual walks though and I love going walking with a friend. Why can't all exercise be as fun as walking with a friend?

I'm not going to get all smug though. For all I know, my scales could be having their period and be all wrong. Let's wait to see what they say next week.

*During a recent visit to a winery, I asked a champagne maker about the old wives tale about chilling champagne. Someone once told me if you chill champagne and then take it out of the fridge and let it come to room temp, re-chilling it is not good for the bubbly. "Rubbish!" says my personal champagne-maker and tour guide, "It makes no difference at all." So there you have it. If you buy champagne and it's chilled, there's no harm in storing it for a little while before re-chilling it to serve.

131.9kgs

2008-05-20T07:25:00.003+01:00

Well, it's hardly awe-inspiring but it's going in the right direction, huh? I must admit, the weekends are a killer. I know that if I'd moved about more, I would have lost more so maybe this week I'll try harder to get in the pool. My swimming costume hasn't been wet since summer last year.

It's my birthday today. I will be having champagne and anti-pasto apero with a friend. Then I will be having cake when my husband makes it home from work. It's my birthday, if I can't enjoy guilt-free cake and champagne on my birthday, when can I?

I feel like I have lost weight...

2008-05-19T12:41:00.002+01:00

But tomorrow is weigh-in day. Let's wait and see.

The Whole World Is Going To Shit and It's All My Fault!

2008-05-16T17:55:00.002+01:00

True- read about it here.

"Obese people are contributing to the world food crisis and climate change, experts say....

They are also responsible for using more fuel, which has an environmental impact and drives up food prices as transport and agriculture both use oil....

The team found that obese people require 1,680 daily calories to sustain normal energy and another 1,280 to maintain daily activities - a fifth more than normal.

The higher consumption of food has a two-fold effect, researchers said.

First of all the increasing demand for food, drives up production.

This means that agricultural processes are using more oil to meet demand, which contributes to the rising cost of fuel.

The cost of fuel is then passed on in the cost of food, making it more difficult for poorer areas to afford it....

What is more, the researchers said obese people are likely to rely on transport more and put more strain on that transport because of their mass, which again drives up prices and usage...."

Thankfully, there is a voice of reason, Dr David Haslam, of the National Obesity Forum, "Really, it is discriminatory towards obese people. They are an easy target at the moment, but I think the causes of climate change and rising food prices is much more complex."

132.7kgs

2008-05-13T07:14:00.004+01:00

I weighed myself today for the first time since June of last year. Big mistake. Not that I did weigh myself, but that for such a long time, I didn't. I get so complacent when I don't weigh myself but when I do, I get obsessive and eventually end up eating myself into a depression because of how slowly the numbers move. It's such a vicious circle.

I knew that I had gained weight because my clothes simply do not fit any more. I can't wear my jeans (that I bought in the USA when I was 116kgs- for crying out loud!) for any length of time without feeling like they're cutting me in half. I can't wear some of my tops without threatening to burst out of the seams. My wardrobe has effectively been cut in half by my laziness and inability to stop eating foot that are high in fat, sugar and salt.

I had no idea what I was expecting when I stood on the scales this morning. The massive number which stared me in the face was neither a shock nor a surprise, merely fact.

So, here I go again. I'll have to dig out all my old WW gear and start counting points. I know when I count points that the weight will fall off me- I just hate doing it because I can become quite obsessive (there's that word again) about it and it ends up boring me, literally, to tears.

I am going out for an hours walk now.

For fucks sake, why can't I just wake up thin tomorrow?

Arrrrggghhhhhhhhh!

Weight Issues in the News

2007-11-12T17:42:00.000+01:00

Today the BBC says:

Curvy women may be a clever bet

Women with curvy figures are likely to be brighter than waif-like counterparts and may well produce more intelligent offspring, a US study suggests.

Read more here. Don't listen to the bloke down the bottom of the article!

But the BBC also says:

Australia airline 'fat tax' urged

A leading Australian nutritionist has urged airlines to charge obese passengers more for their seats.

Read more about that here. What about smelly people who need to have their seats steamed cleaned after flying, or thick people who piss off other passengers, thereby increasing the stress for airline staff? Will they be taxed more in the long run as well? Of course, I'm asking tongue-in-cheek but mark my words.....

Mika- Big Girl (You Are Beautiful)

2007-11-12T09:31:00.000+01:00

I heard this on the radio this morning (not the first time I've heard, I hasten to add. I'm hopelessly out of touch, but not quite past the point of no return yet).

I can't decide if it makes me feel pleased or patronised.

Hmmmm.....

(Duplicated from here because it's bothering me that much)

125kgs

2007-06-25T06:43:00.000+01:00

Well, I've got no excuses. I was just a lazy arse all week. I did the sum total of zero exercise and ate lots of high fat foods. There you have it.

But, you know what? I just don't care enough right now.

On the other hand, I'm off to Scotland soon for a few days. It would be nice to be able to wear my nice wide-leg, white trousers which are just too tight right now. We'll see.

123.7 Back Again

2007-06-18T12:49:00.001+01:00

Well, I weighed myself this morning. Actually, I thought I'd gained way more than I have (1kg).

I got waylaid by the boys having a collective month off school over Spring. What made things even more difficult was that the friend I walk with had gone off for a fabby Spring holiday. To control my diet and exercise I need two things: a routine and someone to walk with. I am dreadful at getting out and walking by myself.

What I'm not so bad at is getting out in the sunshine and swimming in the outdoor pool. The weather this week promises to be warm so maybe I'll be able to do some proper swimming. We'll see.

Eurgghhh, I'm boring myself with this entry so I'm bringing it to a close.

Coming Soon.....

2007-06-05T11:08:00.000+01:00

I'm coming back soon and it's all bad news.

122.7 Not a lot to say this week

2007-04-16T15:09:00.000+01:00

100g up from last week. Could be worse, I suppose. If I was weighing myself on analogue scales, it would say that I've stayed the same so I'm not complaining.

Not really in a blogging mood at the moment. Don't know why. It'll all come flooding back to me later on in the week, I suppose.

Well, Duhhhh!

2007-04-10T18:45:00.000+01:00

From here:

Dieting is unlikely to lead to long-term weight loss and may put a person's health at risk.... up to two-thirds put more weight on than they had lost within five years

I think I'm going to commission my very own research team into why so much money is sunk into projects which ultimately end up stating the bleeding obvious. One only has to go to their local WeightWatchers meeting to see the results of this, no doubt long and expensive, study.

I've wondered for a while now, just what would I weigh, had I not started dieting at 16. Had my mother not casually mentioned that I "could do with losing a bit of weight." If only we could all try out the Sliding Doors thing...

Yesterday's News

2007-04-10T10:47:00.000+01:00

I didn't manage to make it back here yesterday to discuss the dramtic almost 2kgs weight loss from last week. So here I am today.

I can only think that either my scales are just useless or I was holding a lot of water last week because in the past 8 days or so I have done nothing but eat.

I was quite sick (not throw-up sick, ill sick) for a couple of days which may have a lot to do with the weight loss but unlike a lot of people, when I feel ill I just want to eat to make myself feel better.

But anyway, I lost nearly 2 kgs so I should just accept it and not overanalyse.

I made it to a whole month without chocolate. I won't do that again. Denying myself chocolate just made me crave it even more. But I did it because I wanted to see if I could take control over just one aspect of my bad relationship with food. I'm telling you, I did so well. I have an anonymous benefactor who sent Mr Mac home with tim tams through the week and I didn't touch any of them until my month was up. Even since then, I have been extra specially good and controlled my tim tam portions. The tim tams may actually last longer than a week this time!

I don't know if these two things are related but it's some coincidence... Since I started eating chocolate again (and I admit- it's been a lot of chocolate with it being Easter and all) I have been having the strangest dreams. In one I told someone very dear to me exactly what I thought of someone else not so dear to me. In another I was giving Peter Barlow from Coronation St a shoulder massage (he was very nice in my dream!) and in another couple, I met the girls from America's Next Top Model (including chatting up Nigel "Woof" Barker). Bizarre! And I remembered everything about the dreams when I woke up. I know I dream a lot and I do remember quite a bit but these dreams were so vivid and so strange that they're way out of the ordinary, even for me.

Oh and Mr Mac brought me home my Take That cd which I promised myself after a chocolate-free month on the very day that the month expired. It's very good. Very girly and pop- just the way I like my pop music.

But back to food and diets. This week my favourite healthy, low fat food has been my special tomato, cucumber and red onion salad on bruschetta. Take a bread roll, cut it in half and toast in the oven. Cut up equal amounts of tomato and peeled and deseeded cucmber* into little cubes and chop up half the quantity of red onion finely. Mix together in a bowl with a slug of good olive oil, a splash of balsamic vinegar and some Italian herbs. Season with salt and pepper if you like. Rub a clove of peeled garlic over the freshly toasted bread**. Spoon the salad over the bread and enjoy. Yumm yumm! You may want to have some chewing gum handy for the rest of the day though because that garlic and red onion will hang about on your breath until bed-time!

*I never knew how good cucumber could be if you peel and deseed it. I loved it before but now....
** I also never how effective a technique this is for garlicking up bread. It's like your garlic bread but without the butter- brilliant!

122.6 Despite Easter

2007-04-09T10:14:00.000+01:00

More Later...

124.3 I was doing so well until Friday

2007-04-02T10:35:00.000+01:00

Honest, I was really getting back on track until Friday when the carb craving took over. Pasta, pasta and more pasta. Saturday was another illegal visit to Burger King and Sunday we had a beautiful lunch with friends with Prawn Cakes, Curry Laksa and a Strawberry Fool. Also gthis week, I had my first taste of alcohol for the past month. It was luvverly!

I had a shite week where exercise was concerned. Could not be arsed.

I didn't write down what I was eating either.

Still, I went down 300g from last week so it's not all bad news.

It's all going to change from today, back to slavishly writing down everything that passes my lips. God, it's boring but it's the only way this is going to work for me.

Favourite diet food this week has been Quakers Caramel Corn Rice Cakes which were specially flown in from the USA*. Very Oprah, isn't it? Flying in diet food from the USA. Well, everything else about my attempts to lose weight have been Oprah-esque so why not? Up and down, up and down, me and Oprah, we're yoyo dieting twins.

*Thanks Andi!

Magersüchtig

2007-03-28T23:16:00.000+01:00

I got these flowers today from a woman who came and spent some time with me this morning. I'm feeling a like a bit of an uncharitable bitch, truth be told because I have, in the past, expressed a dislike for this woman but today we actually had a nice chat and the time flew by.

As inevitably happens when two women get together, the chat turned to weight loss. I told her I was trying to lose weight, she told me she was careful about her weight but had been seriously thinking of throwing her scales away. She considers scales a danger to womankind. I laughed along with her but soon the conversation turned serious and she opened up to me about her Magersucht. Magersucht/Magersüchtig translates from German as Anorexia but my coffee companion used it in a general way to talk about Eating Disorders.

The particular eating disorder she suffered from was Bulimia. As the result of low self esteem and not being able to accept her body as it was from the age of about 16, she made herself throw up her meals for nigh on twenty years. She did this through her pregnancies despite all her misgivings about harming the babies. Only her husband knew about her bulimia and it wasn't until she told someone else who helped her spiritually that she was able to stop, seven years ago.

She wanted to tell me, be happy with yourself, live your life, don't spend the rest of your life hungry and/or denying yourself just to conform to someone else's idea of beauty. She has come to accept the fact that she will never be Claudia Schiffer and she's now happy with her weight, her body, her life. I admire her for that.

I, on the other hand, still have a way to go. She understands that. During the morning she not only opened up to me about her previous eating disorder but a few other parts of her life. We parted company friends instead of acquaintances.

I Don't Know Why I Was So Excited

2007-03-27T20:37:00.000+01:00

I picked up a tub of Philadelphia Balance today. It's a Philadelphia cheese with only 5% fat. I was a bit excited about it. I don't know why. It's not like I even eat Philadelphia cheese when I'm not dieting. It may have been the big, fuck-off, 50% off sticker on the lid, I'm not sure. Anyway, I bought some, along with my WW cheese slices, WW Cream and WW Quark (for making low fat broccoli and blue cheese soup), WW Ham, loads of fruit and various other bits and pieces today.

I worked out that with 460kj and 5g fat per 100g, the entire 200g tub contained 4 points, Which meant I could use a quarter tub on my lunchtime baguette for only one point. I spread it on two bits of baguette (I can't seem to live withhout bread) and sliced some tomato and cucmber to have in the sandwich, along with some of the WW ham.

First bite I tasted the tang of the philly, it was blander than normal philly and also had that chalky texture that cheese with the fat taken out often has. I was glad that I paid half price, the sacrifice you make in taste and texture for less fat is definitely not worth paying full price for. Still, with only four points per tub, perhaps it could work in a low-fat cheesecake recipe.

Yukk! Can you even imagine Cheesecake with the fat taken out? It would be much like sugar-free, decaffeinated Coca Cola; What would be the point?

124.6 A Shocker of a Week

2007-03-26T06:12:00.000+01:00

I was doing so well, right up until Thursday night. I gave in to carb cravings all weekend and didn't do any exercise (apart from a game of ten pin bowling- like that's exercise!) I was eating out of boredom. I ate Burger King, Bread, Cheese, Butter, Salami, a Kebab, you name it- I ate it, and I threw my points out of the window. I didn't even write down what I was eating, because I knew I was doing so badly.

The only thing I didn't give in to was a craving for chocolate. I'm three weeks in and won't give up on that one.

There's not much more to say really, except that it's the start of a new week. I have to do much, much better this week or I could find myself on one of these Aussie super-stretchers if I keep eating the way I am. How embarrassing would that be? "Yeah, we're gonna need a super-stretcher. This woman who choked on her Whopper's been super-sized!"

Two People

2007-03-20T20:12:00.000+01:00

Tonight I have watched a tv show about women who want to join the fire brigade. The narrator told us that they're finding it hard, especially the woman who measures in at 5'1" because the equipment they have to carry weighs 104kg, "The equivalent of two people...."

Christ, that's encouraging.

In other, better news, dinner tonight was a bowl of the most amazingly simple yet delicious Spaghetti Aioli with Chili. I kind of picked up this recipe when I nipped down to Milan for the day (I love saying that) in February. While I ate a bowl of Gambaretti & Ruccola, my lunch companion enjoyed what looked like the most delicious bowl of pasta ever. I tried it at home tonight. I sauteed an onion, two large red chilis, one which I left the seeds and pith in and five (yes, five) large cloves of garlic in a few tablespoons of good olive oil. I boiled up a pot of spaghetti in salted water, drained it when al dente (Gosh, I'm just so Eurotrash!) and stirred in the sauteed onion, garlic and chili with the olive oil. Serve with shaves of (WW) parmesan. So easy yet so good.

123.2 Happy with that.

2007-03-19T06:41:00.000+01:00

More later.

Later

I had a pretty good week, overall. By Friday I was craving, craving a huge bowl of Chinese fried noodles and/or a big bag of crisps. Friday ended up not being such a good day as eventually I gave and and enjoyed a big bag of crisps and some buttery, jammy toast. Some days there's just nothing better than white bread with loads of butter and raspberry jam. So, Friday not so good but I got back on track, foodwise, by Saturday.

Exercise wise, everything went well. Walking and swimming, my two favourite forms of exercise. Today is Monday, the day when I know I want to do some exercise but can never actually bring myself to pulling on my sneakers and getting out there. I've made an excuse that it's too wet to exercise outside today because it snowed all night. If only my local swimming pool was open on a Monday, I'd definitely go for a swim. Sadly, it's not so I will make do with doing some vigorous housework today instead. Well, I say vigorous but really, ironing while watching a movie will do.

Low fat food I've enjoyed this week has been, Spaghetti Puttanseca, Broccoli and Blue Cheese Soup, Tuna Tortilla Wraps. Yumm yumm!

Still no martini but I've promised myself one for sure this week and still no chocolate. I never thought giving up chocolate for a month would be quite so hard!

125.9 Watch me break all of my rules

2007-03-12T07:08:00.000+01:00

I'll be back later, once I've swallowed my incredibly bitter little pill and try to make sense of it.

Later: Not very fucking good, is it?

~~I will weigh myself every Monday come hell or high water~~ I weighed myself on Friday 123.3. It was very uplifting. I weighed myself again yesterday 124.5. I was happy with 124.5. I would have been happy with 125.9 if I hadn't seen the lower figures earlier in the week.
~~I will stop making excuses if I gain weight and I will stop placing unrealistic expectations on myself~~ I ate pizza last night while we were out. It was well within my points but I know that eating salt and floury/bread products make me retain water.
~~I will not be disappointed if I do not lose 1kg/week~~ I am really, really pissed off that I haven't even lost 1kg.

OK, so apart from the end result, it was a good week. I exercised five days out of seven. I managed to eat very heathily and stay within my points. I lost 700g which is nearly 2lbs.

I spent all Friday looking forward to a martini as a treat for being so good all week. When Mr Mac came home he went to make it for me, only to fiond our ice was tainted with prawn stink from the prawns which had been freezing next to the ice. I was so disapppointed that I couldn't even choose another cocktail which didn't require ice. I had an intense craving for a massive bag of crisps and a gigantic bar of chocolate but managed to overcome it somehow.

Jeezus, it's going to be a long, hard (that's what she said) slog.

126.6kgs Oops! I did it again!

2007-03-05T11:20:00.000+01:00

Time for another new leaf. After much procrastination, over-indulgence and just plain laziness, husband and I decided we had to start all over again with the weight loss. So here it is.

I weighed myself this morning for the firs time since 8th August 2006. You can see how much weight I've gained since that time from the titles of the posts. What? Do I have to do the maths as well? Anyway, I'm so dreadfully disappointed in myself. I knew the weight was piling back on because my clothes are getting tighter and tighter. Do you know anyone else who has to loosen their jeans every time they sit down? I could also see it so clearly in my photos from Rome. Plus, my eating habits have just got out of hand, of course I was going to be gaining weight. I've had no self control, my portion sizes have got bigger and bigger and chocolate and crisps have been thrown down my gullet at an alarming rate. The worst part of it all has been that I've been conscious of it all along and said at least seven times a week since August that "I really must get my weight back under control".

So where do I start? Well, I've gained 14kgs back since my lowest weight of summer 2005 so I suppose to start with, I should be trying to shift that. I've decided a few things which are:

I will weigh myself every Monday come hell or high water. I will post my weight every Monday on this blog. I will stop making excuses if I gain weight and I will stop placing unrealistic expectations on myself. eg. I will not be disappointed if I do not lose 1kg/week.
I will exercise. I must exercise. I've done it before and I can do it again. I will remember how good exercise makes me feel. And it does make me feel good.
Because weight loss is such a long, slow process I need to start rewarding myself with tangible things. Just cheap things but things all the same. When you're as obese as I am, it's quite difficult to see the results of your weightloss off the scales and looking at yourself over and over and seeing nothing but a flabby apron and saggy boobs can be simply soul destroying.
I am going to give up chocolate for a month starting from today. At the end of the month, if I have succeeded in not letting a single bit of chocolate pass my lips (inc pain au chocolat and Schoggipifel) I will treat myself to one of my rewards. My reward will be a copy of the new Take That cd.
My first goal, a la Weightwatchers (which is the plan I follow when I am following a plan), will be to lose 10% of my body weight. This is 12.6kgs. When I have achieved this I shall reward myself with something as well. From then on in, I shall aim for goals of 10% for my rewards until I reach my ultimate desired weight.
My ideal weight according to WW should be somewhere in the low 70kgs. I think that's too small for me so my ultimate goal weight will be 80kgs.
When I reach my desired weight of 80kgs I will reward myself with something huge, like a fabulous new haircut and colour, possibly while on a trip to somewhere fabulous like Milan. Yeah, that's what I'm going to do!
I will stop looking at thin women and wondering if I am ever going to be like them. I never, ever will.

I could go on for ever but I think I just need a few key points I can remind myself of here and there to start with.

The only good thing I can pat myself on the back for since August of last year is that I've been quite good with exercising. I haven't swum since then but I've kept a twice-weekly walking date. Jeez, can you imagine the disaster we'd have on our hands if I hadn't?

I have to do it this time. Please, wish me luck!

118.2 Two Words

2006-08-08T13:45:00.000+01:00

Comfort eating.

It's no excuse, I know but I've indulged in some comfort eating over the past couple of weeks. The thing about comfort eating is that if you don't exercise to balance it out, it catches up with you in the end. o be honest with what we've been through in the past couple of weeks, I'm not upset with today's scales.

Try, try again.

New Goal: By Christmas I want to be down to 100kgs. I've been saying this for the past 2 years. It was Christmas, and then my birthday and then by the end of summer and back to Christmas again. But this time I friggin' mean it.

I was slim once and thought I was hideously fat. why? why? why?

116.3 It seems exercise is the key

2006-07-18T08:58:00.000+01:00

After yet another weekend of eating badly (buttered toast, chocolate, cornettos etc) I have managed to pull myself from the brink of despair and lose another 600g. It's actually quite hard at thos time of the month. It's heading towards payday and the cupboards are becoming bare. Bread is the only thing that we have lots and lots of in the house.

It doesn't help that the fruit that I'm buying right now is actually quite shite either. The apples are going spongey in a matter of a couple of days and I'm not actually very keen on summer fruits. Cherries have gone out of season as fast as they arrived and are now becoming very expensive (sometimes up to 9CHF for a kilo)

But anyway, I have managed to keeo exercising. Walking and swimming, walking and swimming- my two favourite modes of exercise. I can walk or swim for quite long distances and actually qite enjoy it. Sometimes when I'm swimming I feel quite powerful. I can even swim faster than some others which is a first for me. And swimming is solitary so my thoughts are my own and I don't have to talk to anyone. But then walking with a friend (or husband) and talking the whole way round is always a pleasure too. I'd love to add cycling to my repertoire but it's just so much friggin' hard work. It's so hilly round here that I'm actually afraid to get on my bike and ride. Maybe this week I'll give it another go.

I do intend to start writing down what I eat as well. One day.

116.9 Despite the Odds

2006-07-11T10:50:00.000+01:00

Well, I have no clue what has happened this week. I gave in to all my worst cravings this weekend. I ate chocolate, I ate cheese, I ate chicken with the skin on, I ate crisps, I ate creamy potato bake. I overindulged in fajitas (homemade- delicious) and enjoyed more wine than is good for one person on Sunday night. I didn't even flummin' exercise from Thursday until today. So why then have I managed to drop another 800g?

No really, why? I had a terrible week this week but managed to drop. Yet, the week that I tried hard and ate well I gained nearly 3kgs. It's not right. I have decided that from one day this week (I haven't decided which day yet) I am going to start recording absolutely everything that I eat down. I will record it here as best I can and maybe I can see a pattern in my ups and downs. Should I weigh daily as well? Hmmmmmm...... I just have to be careful to not get obsessed by it.

I walked for an hour and a half today in 30º heat. It nearly killed me. I'm going for a quick swim this afternoon, more because I want to enjoy the water in this heat than to get some exercise.

Back to 117.7

2006-07-04T18:48:00.000+01:00

WTF? Hw does that work? I swear I haven't done anything different this week to the week before.

I give up.

Well, I don't really, but you know what I mean.

Thoroughly Hacked Off: 120.6 (!!!)

2006-06-27T08:19:00.000+01:00

It's just not possible for me to have gained nearly 3kgs in the past week. It's just not possible.

I have eaten well and exercised five days out of seven. I have eaten no chocolate or crisps. I have kept my carb intake down (mainly bread) I have resisted the urge to hop in the scales every day and I even feel thinner.

What is going on.

It's just not possible, is it?

Note to Self: Don't let it get to you today.

200 Lousy Grammes 117.7

2006-06-20T07:56:00.000+01:00

Ugghhhh! This week I only lost 200 lousy grammes. There may be something in this "muscle weighs more than fat" bullshit but I suspect I should start writing down everything I eat and counting weightwatchers points properly. The only trouble with that is that I tend to get incredibly obsessive and end up counting my points all day long when I should be doing other things like having a life.

Anyway, the swimming has come along well. I have even managed to learn to breathe out underwater which makes my breast stroke look more polished. It's absolutely exhausting but surely that has to be good for you. Friday I managed 40 laps of the Olympic sized pool which wore me out but felt good at the time. This week I've bought myself a kickboard which I intend to use to tone up the legs more after my Big Swim.

I haven't written about the Big Swim yet, have I? It's looming.

Going Down

2006-06-13T06:42:00.000+01:00

This time last Tuesday I decided I had to do something about my weight which had been creeping back up not-so-slowly since December last year. I weighed myself and came in at a hefty 122.3kgs.

I was so disappointed in myself that I'd managed to gain 10kgs back that I've already lost 2 or 3 times that I knew I had to do something and do it quick.

So, this week I cut out as much fatty food as possible. I made loads of Minestrone Soup to be enjoyed at lunch time. I cut down on my bread intake and upped my veggie intake. I made seafood pasta for dinner a couple of times and served it with huge garden salads. I've eaten cervelat (just the one) and salad and spaghetti bolognese. I've enjoyed a couple of egg salad sandwiches. I refrained from eating hot chips and crisps, my worst enemy and I snacked instead on Studentenfutter, a mix of nuts and sultanas. A couple of times I indulged in ice cream or chocolate and I treated myself to half a bottle of Merlot one evening (2 good sized glasses)

In addition to the proper eating I have walked around 12-15kms and swum over 100 laps of an Olympic sized pool (50m). I have increased my general moving about and generally found more energy.

When I weighed myself this morning I found I was 117.9kg. I have lost 4.4kgs this week. Realistically I know I will not be able to sustain this kind of weightloss every week and will be more than happy with a 1kg loss from now until I feel happy with my body. But what a way to start!

About My Weight

2006-05-31T21:20:00.000+01:00

I weigh far too much. After losing 20kgs in the past 18 months or so, I have begun to stack it all back on. This is where I can have a regular whine about having no motivation, my clothes not fitting me and skinny celebs who make my life hell.

So that should be quite nice then.